Love & Loyalty

After scrolling through different blog articles earlier today, I came across one that hit home, "Why The Love You Give Is Not Always The Love You Receive". I have had this feeling time and time again over my past relationships. I always have felt that I give so much of myself, I do the best that I know how to do, I remain loyal, through thick and thin, and still somehow end up with the short end of the stick. So we ask, why, why is this happening?

"There are tons of women who pride themselves on sticking with a man through thick and thin. They endure infidelity, heartbreak, and disrespect for the reward of knowing that they stuck by their side.  It becomes more about loyalty than anything else. 

Whenever loyalty rises to the top, something has to sink to the bottom. Unfortunately, happiness is always at the bottom, overshadowed and forgotten. The idea that we stuck by someone through thick and thin trumps everything and everyone.

Loyalty seems to be most important for people who exist on a continuum that can include anything from being ignored as child to abandonment, abuse, feeling unwanted, or being neglected. It stems from a subconscious belief in the boomerang effect: that doling out the type of love and care that we want will mean that it will be returned. What happens is that the people we choose to bestow our love upon don't share that same belief. They feed on our love and loyalty for breakfast, expect even more for dinner, but with out the appreciation or gratitude.

We sometimes learn the hard way not to give our love to someone who feeds on hearts. But some of us never learn and continue to lay our hearts on the table, day after day, year after year.  The real question becomes, what is the void within that enables you to not pay attention to signs? If no one else is there for him, maybe there is a reason."

Man! I definitely have a void within that I have come to acknowledge over the past year. I grew up feeling unworthy and lacking love from those that should have been providing it, which made me seek elsewhere to gain it. Relationships have always been tough for me, this endless sense of loyalty is part of the reason. Letting the relationship far exceed what my boundaries were, remaining silent and going with the flow when that was the complete opposite of what I wanted to be doing. My problem wasn't that I couldn't see the signs, because I always could. My problem was that I never acted on them. 

Life has a funny way of teaching you lessons. 

❤❤❤